The Legend of MARCO... ... SCUTARO

This legend began on the day that baseball celebrated a #42 ( Jackie Robinson) and the Oakland A's humiliated another ( Mariano Rivera). On that fateful day Marco, 1-20 on the season to that point, stepped up to the plate to face Mariano Rivera, "the greatest closer of all time". A veritable David vs. Goliath, a meatball sub vs Roger Clemens, a pack of Big Red vs. Tito.

Before the dramatic blow was struck, Kelly claimed that were she an A's fan she couldn't resist the urge to chant Marco!! Scutaro!! ( to the theme music of Marco Polo) at the games. The diminutive A's utility infielder proceeded smash a two out 3 run HR off Fruitbat, which was followed by a round of Kelly's suggested mantra, and the legend was born.

A legend takes time to cultivate though and the next appearance was just as astonishing. During the "Doc Halladay should choke the shit out of John Gibbons" game, Alex Cora came up in the 9th inning with a man on and the Sox down by 1. I, candaon, proclaimed MARCO... which was quickly followed by Dover's ... SCUTARO, inspiring Alex to triple in the tying run. Alex was then driven in by a Coco Crisp sacrifice fly.

This warriors cry can be heard during the 9th inning of Red Sox and MFY games alike.

... and the legend of MARCO... ... SCUTARO grows.

Go to the comments section to see how we came oh so close to an embarrassing tradition, involving a favored poster.

SG fantasy football league

C'mon, you know you want to! We also need to come up with a snappy league name. This is just kind of a test balloon to see if we have enough people interested to do it. Post in the comments ideas, suggestions, and how much money your willing to put on your mad skills. I think we could do the draft here or through e-mail.

And We Will Greet You With Beer and G Strings

One anonymous poster has stated that the SG comments section is analogous to a friendly neighborhood tavern. Therefore, when a new poster (noob) reveals him-/herself for the first time, they are warmly welcomed with an offering of Guinness and strippers. Sadly, this being a virtual tavern, neither is real. But the sentiment is heartfelt.

HOT

HOT - 1. Caveman language to describe humans of the female gender who have (this list is not all inclusive) boobs, a sense of humor, drink alcohol (drinking good beer automatically rates a SMOKIN' HOT), hate golf (the only exception is chicks who play golf and show cleavage), love the Red Sox, live on the east coast, west coast, gulf coast or the mid west, north west, eastern seaboard or the south United States, or almost anywhere else.

Examples
- "Chicks who think jeter's gay are HOT"
- "Chicks who dig dudes with mustaches are HOT"
- "Chicks who shop at Trader Joe's are HOT"
- "Chicks who ____________ (fill in the fucking blank) are HOT"
- "Pink is HOT"
- "Chicks who wear special tinfoil hats are SMOKIN' HOT"

2. HOT is also an authorized adjective used to describe non-homosexual manlove for Red Sox players.

Example
- Mike Lowell is HOT

Acronyms and Alternates

Elmerpalooza = SG gathering due to be held (or actually held depending on when you read this) in May 2008, with the pretext of Elmer/Ted's first excursion to Fenway. Beer, weakwaters and, no doubt, tears will flow/flowed copiously.

Fair = Faith from a mistyping by Mrs MLB (of 'keep the faith': do I have to explain everything? Oh, yes, I guess I do.) See also KTMFF™

FUT = Fat Unctuous Toad = Roger Clemens, for obvious reasons.


FWIW = For what it's worth. Fairly standard SMS shorthand, included here for completeness.


Gibleys = Corruption of giblets = Male pudenda, as in the exhortation: 'Hit him in the gibleys!" directed at a pitcher when, say, Dora is at the plate, presenting a small target.


GMTA = Great minds think alike. Again, SMS-speak.

Hane = JD, longtime SG commenter's first name as pronounced by a Cuban. I'd puzzled over this one for ages until someone asked recently. Posted by Hohn.

Heard = Alternate for heart as in the expression 'I heart Bronson Arroyo'. So, for example, 'I heard Barry Bonds'. On second thoughts, not a good example. Originally a typo from Cyn, picked up on by some Pommie pedant and since used repeatedly in SG.


HMFYs = Hapless MotherFucking Yankees. Extension of MFY created by Hayes (?Fix that someone, memory's not what it was) during their May 2007 slump. Also HCDMFYs = Hapless, Cellar-Dwelling MotherFucking Yankees, now obselete, but hey, sometimes it's nice to reminisce.

Hyg = Hug, another typo from Cyn (the woman is all thumbs) XOXOXO (Hygs and Kusses)

Intoxicited = Intoxicated and excited. Created by Tex when she was both, whenever that was.

KTMFF™ = Keep The MotherFucking Fair. Used by Josh Blue in his tag, complete with trademark claim.

LMB = Large-mouth bass = Tina Cervasio of NESN fame. Not used much recently (the acronym,
not the fair Ms Cervasio. Oh, I don't know though...).

Palooze = To foregather , on virtually any pretext, to drink, eat and partay. See also Tomapalooza, Elmerpalooza etc. May sometimes involve stuffed animals and other inanimate objects.

Pesus = Jesus. See Pord.

Phrist = Christ. See Pord.

Pod = God. See Pord.

Pord = Lord. A Josh Blue typo with considerable legs, and numerous offspring. The jackrabbit of typos, if you will.

RKoR = Rally Kitty of Relaxation. SotB's cat, capable of launching a Sox rally while asleep in the sink.

Tomapalooza = SG gathering in Boston involving a certain self-effacing Englishman and really awesome quantities of alcohol. Tomapalooza II featured, inter alia, a stuffed monkey taking a stuffed ferret from behind. Strangely, the Boston PD took no action.

WSG = Wavey Smiley Guy; the emoticon used to show a smiley face waving...hence the name. JB typically uses them in numbers

WHF = What Het Fuck? "Het" was a mistyping of 'The" by Tom Miles. He claimed it was intentional, no-one believed him, and he was ridiculed accordingly. Also OMP WHF = Oh My Pod, What Het Fuck = Oh My God, What The Fuck? Sweet, eh?

Whuck = Fuck in Maori pronunciation. Included here because I can.

The Players

It should be pretty clear who we're referring to and when. The etymology of some of these nicknames may prove more elusive.


Lenny DiNardo (The Lenny) Oakland's sixth starter was much beloved in these parts and an entirely fictional ménage with stringbean hottie/hometown discount sucker Bronson Arroyo caught the imagination of the Comment Board community. Because of his gentle demeanour and good grooming it was assumed that Lenny would occupy the traditional female role in this affair. Accordingly, the submissive partner in any same-sex relationship might be pigeonholed as "The Lenny".


Kason Gabbard(Typo) On a QWERTY keyboard the "K" is immediately adjacent to the "J". His name is "Kason". We feel that this is more than a coincidence. By logical progression a fifth strikeout by the soft-throwing leftie might be celebrated with celebratory post of "JJJJJason!"


Mike Lowell (Scenic Lowell, Señor Doubles, BEA ARTHUR LOWELL!!(?!?!?)) He's easy on the eye, he's Puerto Rican, and he always gets to second base. Obvious, right? The last monicker's origins are rather more specific and obscure. Beth's mistaken assertion that Lowell's wife was named Beartha (actual name Bertica) provoked sporadic poster Don Penguino to speculate that Lowell might in fact be married to the gravel-voiced Golden Girls comedienne.


Dustin Pedroia (Munchkin Of Havoc, D2-P2) His swing and his capacity for turning a game on its head by sheer force of will are utterly disproportionate to his size (4' 11", 95lbs). His pluck, his usefulness, and his limited height remind certain folks of the ickle robot from Star Wars.


Wily Mo Pena (WMP451) Coined by Dover (?) after a monster blast at Kauffman estimated at 451 feet. (WMP90) Used very occasionally, after the big man gets a base on balls.


Julian Tavarez (Batshit) Jools somehow survived being associated with Rudy Seanez and eventually won our hearts with some sterling starting performances at the end of a miserable 2006. We heart him, because everything about him is erratic. In fact the dude is batshit insane.


Mike Timlin (Old Yeller) In the minds of certain posters his sudden propensity for allowing inherited runners to score was broadly equivalent to a beloved pet (see 2003 - 4) contracting rabies. A humane execution behind the woodshed was proposed. Also he's old and he yells a lot.

Please pop your corrections or suggestions in the comments, guys, and I'll edit accordingly.

Welcome

New visitors to the comments section of "Surviving Grady" are often perplexed by the unique language (and lexicon) that has evolved on the Surviving Grady comments board. Much of this lexicon is attributed to compulsive commenter Josh Blue, whose penchant for typos has produced such "SGisms" as Pod (for God), as well as a variety of creative profanity. Tom Miles, in an uncharacteristic diversion from pithy perfection, once mistyped the as het - leading his online mock nemesis, Nancy, to create the WTF alternative, WHF. And, a broad sample of other comment board regulars have been responsible for discrete, yet long-running, jokes. After veteran contributor Cyn admitted to a crush on ex-Sox pitcher Bronson Arroyo, "Kyle Snyder" appeared on the board in an attempt to woo her affections. Whenever two commenters engage in a heated argument, contributor Trot's Hat retreats under a metaphorical table with a pint of Guinness and some cookies. And speaking of cookies - regulars and newbies alike would do well to remain on NJSoxFan's good side, lest they risk a very special delivery.

Newcomers should be aware of the "Keith Foulke Treatment". Named as such for when former Red Sox closer Keith Foulke retired and pretty much every SG member and a few newbies came into the same thread with the "breaking news" that Foulke had retired. The treatment is used whenever someone repeats something that is either old news or has been touched upon numerous times in the same comments section. For example, if someone came on the day after Roger Clemens re-signed with the New York Yankees and wrote "Did you guys hear that Clemens signed with the Yankees?", at least two people would respond with "In other news, did you hear that Keith Foulke retired?".

In June 2007 after a stretch of close games, Stephen set forth the proposition that there was something inherently classless in crushing victories, an idea that was vigorously rebuffed. This exchange caused a corruption of the concept of "classy" amongst the Surviving Grady community. A nebulous term at best "classy" may now represent anything that is characteristically vulgar, or exhaustive while at the same time retaining its more usual connotations, though only in an ironic sense.